Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
