i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
