how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
