I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
