My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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