his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
