I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
