Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
