It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
