if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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