I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
