Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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