Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
