I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
