We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
