3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She bit a glass in half.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize