New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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