Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
