I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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