Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
