she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
