Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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