just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
