Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
