i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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