I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
