Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
