The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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