it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
