she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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