someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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