I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
