I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
