guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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