There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize