Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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