just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
