I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
