you're like a bully in the Christmas story
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
