it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
