This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
