And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
