I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
