That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize