When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
