so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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