I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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