shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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