i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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