Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
