somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
