apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
