All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
