I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
