Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
