Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
