Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
