Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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