That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
