I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
