Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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