I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize