i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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