Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
