Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
