We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
