i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i believe in u and ur pee
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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