Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
