Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
