it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
