Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
