you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
