I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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