Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
