I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
