My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize