ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
