this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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