she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
