just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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