I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
