Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
