Buhtt sex?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
