2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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