Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
