Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
