Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
