At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
