Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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