I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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